Sabtu, 16 Oktober 2010

awesome things #2 when someone you love, loves you back

i love you so much. people say that in my age, i dont really know what love is. well, then maybe there's another explanation for the way i feel about you. how every second i am away from you seems like an eternity. how every time i try to think something else, i can only think of one thing & that's you. how every time i talk of you to others i feel like a little kid with a secret to tell. how the times i'm happy are when i am with you and i miss you the most right after i leave your side. maybe there's another explanation for this uncontrollable feeling inside me. i love you and i'm not saying forever but i tried to make it last ;)

now playing : sara bareilles - gravity

Selasa, 03 Agustus 2010

hey this song speaks to me

Katie don't cry I know
you're trying your hardest
and the hardest part is letting go
of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
but compared to your eyes
nothing shines quite as bright
and when we looked to the sky
it's not mine but i want it

lets not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
you're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room he stares)
I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
and ask my girl to dance
she'll say yes
(because these words were never easier for me to say or her to second guess but i guess)
that i can live without you but
(without you I'll be miserable at best)

you're all that i hoped I'd find
in every single way
and everything i would give
is everything you couldn't take
cause nothing feels like home
you're a thousand miles away
and the hardest part of living
is just taking breaths to stay
cause i know I'm good for something
i just haven't found it yet
and i need it

lets not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
you're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room he stares)
I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
and ask my girl to dance
she'll say yes
(because these words were never easier for me to say or her to second guess but i guess)
that i can live without you but
(without you I'll be miserable at best)

Sabtu, 17 Juli 2010

i'm only gonna let you kill me once

sorry if i haven’t been updating the blog over the past few days, i was visiting family on the “country side” of sumatra. well, it wasn’t really on the country side, like they live kind of by a city, but still! if you compare it to jakarta, it sure doesnt seem like it! but it was fun. i hadn’t seen my aunts and cousins in so long. some of my family live very far away from jakarta, so it hard for us to see each other. what i really liked is they live right by in a tanjung benoa beach, which is one of my favorite beach all the time. we went there on thursday, and i actually liked it. a lot of people who live there always complain about how boring, ugly and annoying of a city it is, but visiting was definitely fun. it kinda makes me missed jakarta.

visiting family is always fun thought, especially when it’s some kind of reunion. there’s a lot of good food! the first night we had some amazing sushi and the seafood things. it was so good! it does get a little bit weird when your whole family is drinking wine over dinner, cause.. family dinners usually last a while so by the end of the dinner everyone’s very tipsy, or just plain drunk. and then they start talking about such random things. it was a lot of fun though! the funniest part is when my aunts wanted a picture together, and in every picture they looked very drunk/buzzed, like they had their eyes half closed. and i kept having to re-take the picture and i was getting annoying. i kept saying “heyyy open your eyes, they’re like half closed.” and they’d say “what are you talking about?!?!” and then they’d open them so wide that they’d just end up looking like weirdos!

btw, school is started on monday. i'm not ready for it. i know there's gonna be tons of homework and assignment,im not ready to think and to have that 'brianstorming'. ugh. wish me luck

Kamis, 08 Juli 2010

don't be so hard on yourself

i usually find that horoscopes are a waste of time, but they’re still sort of fun to read once in a while. and yesterday i decided to read mine on this one application i have on my blackberry, and here’s what it was:

" Let go of all the circumstances in your life in which you cannot control, and focus your attention to those in which you can truly make a difference. Success is not going to just fall into your lap, but stressing over elements of your life in which you have no way to control is a waste of your precious time and energy. You have a very determined mind, and have the strength to succeed. Don’t be so hard on yourself by concentrating on “failures” which are beyond your control "

and never in my life have a horoscope been more appropriate with what i was dealing with at the time. it kinda woke me up, and made me realize things. okay, millions of people in the world also are taurus, which makes it hard to relate to horoscopes and to actually believe them. but this one really just had some sort of an impact on me. i was on the way back home from visiting my grandma at the hospital. she’s been there for quite a while now, she’s too old to take care of herself, and reading the horoscope after visiting her.. and after a few things i’ve been dealing with lately… it really just opened my eyes on bigger things. we tend to focus on silly little things instead of simply focusing on the big picture, and i believe it slows us down. and i hate to feel like something is slowing me down, or keeping me from achieving more. i think by letting go of all my worries, i’ll be able to do a lot more with my time. it seems to me that some people are just so confident, it’s like their whole life was planned out for them, and just like they’ve got nothing to worry about. nothing to be stressed out about, but you know what? maybe they’re just really good actors. with time they’ve learned to forget about worries, or they simply ignore them, which leaves them more time to work on bigger project, and makes them successful people. and i decided it’s what i need to start doing.

honey, honey

last night, around 1am, i finished reading a book for the first time in forever. i have, though, once in a while the past months started reading books, but then half way done i’d stop and start a new one. i don’t know, i tend to do that. either because the book is boring the hell out of me, or because the story is so good that i don’t want it to come to an end. you have no idea how many books i stopped reading when there was only a chapter left. maybe i’m scared that the end will be disappointed and i’d rather imagine my own ending? maybe maybe. but this time i told myself i needed to finally finish one! and i did! except i did feel like the story ended way too soon, if you’ve read a book before you probably know what i’m talking about. i hate when that happens. right when you finally get into the book, and fall for the characters.. the story comes to an end. it sucks! but i guess we can blame the author. they’re the ones who take up 200 pages to make you fall into the story. some authors can clearly make you interested after just five pages, if not less. but the story was good. i liked it. and i started reading another book this morning. it’s quite addicting, you know, once you start reading books. you realize how entertaining they really are ;)

it’s still cloudy, rainy, very sucky outside. it’s been weeks! and the bad weather just won’t go away. i’d appreciate it but hello it's supposed to be summer now! but never mind. forget it, i'm in love with the rain. btw, school holiday is only about few days and nothing special in this holiday. just another boring and lame holiday.

Sabtu, 26 Juni 2010

but inside, you're just a little baby

lately i’ve been relating my life to a few songs in a way that i never have before, and i find it strange. of course, it probably happened to you too, at least once, since it is basically the whole point of music. but, listen to me. it’s to a point where i almost feel like my life is a musical. i’m not crazy, okay kid. i just happen to find those songs that i can relate to so well, i could stop talking and simply play songs. maybe it never happened to me before for the simple reason that i never really cared about the lyrics. i usually like a song for it’s music, or the singer. everything is different now though, i’m becoming obsessed with lyrics. i want to find their meaning, i want to know what’s really behind them.

i finished tenth grade, and i’m so glad i am. this semester was terrible. i considered dropping out of school so many times over the past months, i’m just not interested anymore. i don’t have the motivation to keep going. only one more semester, and then it’s finally over. but not really?

i have 2 years to decide what am i gonna be cause i have to pick good university to got a good job. but to be honest, i don’t feel like i fit in any of those two categories. i just wanna be me, i just wanna do what i wanna do when i want to, i just wanna have my little projects and use all my time to work on them. isn’t it what we all want though? maybe, maybe not. as much as i feel like we’re all so different, i also feel like we’re all the same. in the end, we all want the same thing, whether we admit it or not. and you wanna know how i’ve been enjoying my first few days of vacation? i did nothing. nothing. nothing!

well, i have done a few things, but nothing too serious. i wake up, i shower, i eat, i read, i watch movies, i eat again, i watch tv shows, i stay up late and god knows why, and then finally i go to bed. the next day, it starts all over again. i’m not complaining, i love it. i’m starting to feel a little weird though, i haven’t gone out of my house for three days, but hey, i need a break! you can’t blame me. i have been in forever. i’ve been updating my blog. i’ve been socializing or whatever it is. i’ve read books i’ve been meaning to read for so long. i’ve watched movies i own on dvd and never even watched before. that’s quite a job for me.

i should start going out a little bit though, after all, i’ve still got more than a week of vacation. maybe i should set a plan with my friend or just being a couch potato watch all this FIFA things with a big bag of chitato.

i feel like this post doesn’t mean anything, or doesn’t make any sense, i will stop here.

listening to : kate nash - doo wah doo

Senin, 21 Juni 2010

don’t you hate when you just can’t fall asleep? or worse! when you wake up in the middle of the night, and then can’t fall back asleep? well, last night both happened to me. first i go to bed kinda early (11pm) in order to catch up some rest before leaving my home tomorow, and it took me forever to fall asleep.

i had so many things on my mind, and you know when you go to bed early, you feel some kind of pressure to fall asleep and it makes the whole process take up so much more time. and then, at 3am, i randomly woke up. i felt overheated, and thirsty. so i go drink some water, grab my ipod, and go back to bed. and i didn’t fall back asleep until 4am.

i was just thinking about all these random things that we often think of, like love, life, future, work, etc. and i was very into it for some reason. so much that i got nervous, and paranoid. and yeah… couldn’t fall back asleep for an hour. and then! if only i could slept in a bit, but no. i woke up at 8.00am, and seriously could not fall back asleep again. so all day i’ve been feeling super tired, brainstorming, hangover and aggravated. everything and everyone seem to be getting on my nerves. happens when you’re tired i guess. not my fault. and some people are very good at being annoying too. who’s to blame? no idea!

listening to : faunts -

Minggu, 20 Juni 2010

you're just not that into me

dont mind the ugly picture, cause i cant think of putting another picture and i thought this one isn't so bad
life would not be the same without being loved. you have no idea what you’re missing if you’ve never had it.

my holiday was okay, my life will most likely be the same, even though i pray hard for it to be great.
actually i kind of wish i would’ve just stayed home, i would’ve avoided disappointment.
i kind of hate when people don’t turn out to be who you thought they were, or who they seemed to be during your first impression of them. i should simply finally learn that it is not good to have expectations. but i can’t help it. maybe there is just nothing to do about it.
maybe i’m just looking for something too great, maybe i’m the problem after all, maybe i just cannot be satisfied with anything or anybody.
i don’t like when things start getting old, when relationship slowly dies, when people change.
i want things to be exciting and fun, all the time. i want people to be how i like them to be all the time. i want to be contented with everything.
but this is me asking too much.
although i feel like it’s not that much.

i’ve got nothing planned for the day. i’m kinda glad about that. i missed not doing anything.
i’m quite confussing myself, aren’t i?
i want attention and people around me, but then wanna be alone.
oh, god.

listening to : band of horses - on my way back home

Jumat, 18 Juni 2010

Selasa, 15 Juni 2010

i couldn't care less

don't understand what's written on here? then let me clean this out for you :p

  1. occasional greediness helps sometimes.
  2. how can you play fairly when life is too unfair.
  3. physically. mentally. emotionally.
  4. and without any damage.
  5. especially your problems that you can’t solve.
  6. ASK PERMISSION FIRST. well, not everything can be asked.
  7. sometimes, sorry is not enough.

unfortunately, no matter how old you are this will always be taught.

Rabu, 09 Juni 2010

when we meet up in my dreams, waking up isn't quite fair

i couldn't have been more wrong. i thought that i could smile and nod my way through it and pretend that all things gonna be okay. but honestly, i can't. i had a plan. i wanted to change who i was. create life with someone new, someone without the past. without the pain. but, it's not that easy. the bad things stay with you. they follow you and you can't escape them. all you can do is be ready for the good. so, when it comes you invite it in, because you need it. i need it

listening to : abigail williams - flood

pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

finally, the make up test is over and i really worried about the score. i'm not even sure what my score gonna be. but one thing for sure, my math score gonna be BADASS ;) just wait. ini penilaian gua selama ikut make-up test :

- english : gigit yang buat soal
- sosiologi : sembah yang bikin soal
- biologi : kebiri yang buat soal
- agama : sembah yang bikin soal
- geografi : gigit yang buat soal
- fisika : kebiri yang buat soal
- math : bakar yang bikin soal

kalo diliat dari kesimpulan sih gua kea=banyakan gabisa pas ngerjain itu test, tapi semoga aja tang ting tung gua bener semua. harapan gua cuma satu : naik kelas dan masuk ips. karena gua udah muak dengan fisika kimia bio -__________________- doain aja deh semoga naik kelas karena gua takut aja ga naik kelas gara gara math. tapi amit amit juga sih. but now i'm gonna scream " THE EXAM IS FINALLY OVER AND HOLIDAY IS COMING OUR WAY "

Senin, 07 Juni 2010

hello, future boyfriend

earlier i was got a mental disorder. on everyone, everything, all of the past events for the last few months and stuff. it made me think. why do i want what i want? do i want what i want? should i take a step forward? or should i really be worried about if i need to be taking a step backwards?

i feel like i am just stuck in neutral. i know what i want to do and also what i should or could do. i'm not sure which i need to be doing though. which one will be more beneficial. will they be equally beneficial? or will neither path pay off? what are my motives? i would really like to answer these questions. however, i'm not sure that i can. i'm not kind of that " possitive ". this is a very interesting part of my life and i am eager to see how it will play out.

until then, i think that in order to be able to answer these questions, i will need to regroup, reorganize, and re-prioritize. i have been a little bit irresponsible lately and i would really like to put more effort into important things, like putting things in priorities. i should slow down and think about everything. i should slow down and enjoy simple things. i should probably also slow down and think about what i say, what i do, and how i spend my time. from now on, i am going to try to make a conscious effort to focus more on what is important and less on what is not and maybe trying to be more serious.

if you read all of that, then you got a big smooch from me.

dot dot dot dot dots

hi, my name is melissa and i don’t take showers
just kidding
but not really

i was going to say something
but i forgot what to say
i am giddy
quite giddy
yes, as giddy as a

...giddy thing.

i bet you dont even know what giddy means? ha! i like it when i'm smarter than someone. or at least that's what i feel.. in someway.. whatever. pfft

the fact is, tomorrow i'm gonna have 3 tests
and i haven't opened my book

i wonder, how shitty the score gonna be?

listening to : ke$ha - blah blah blah

i'm claiming this the top of the world

...and to answer the previous question:
"can you still fall asleep when you fall apart?"

the answer is "yes. i just had a good sleep. not the best though, but enough to keep me going"



Kamis, 03 Juni 2010

life tips

* just copy-paste this from one of my favorite blogger. read this well and maybe you can learn more about guys. happy reading!

99 facts about guys bold on the "this guy" facts

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys love flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!!!!!!

14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

28. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting.

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.

51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be matured and grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

59. Guys don't really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they'll realize they're wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys' weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships

Selasa, 01 Juni 2010

can you still fall asleep when you fall apart?

-boys with skinny body
-boys with normal fingernails
-boys who listen to indie and metal
-boys who have quite a " style "
-boys whose into movies
-my room all tidy
-being in so many places, in a very short of time
-my stomach hurts like hell
-want seaweed right now

yeah. you learn a lot from them.

lately i've been thinking
i think
God works in reeallyyyy mysterious ways
i dont like it



so long
or whatever

i will continue writting more later, time to go. i want to have some sleep after this rough day. i have a feeling that maybe tomorrow gonna be a decent day. well. maybe


listening to : sirenia - meridian

Selasa, 18 Mei 2010

If you look at the scratch, you fail to see the diamond

boy- i missed you baby, where have you been?

girl- yeah, i had to go to the doctor.

boy- oh really? why?

girl- oh nothin, just annual shots, thats all.

boy- oh

girl- so what did we do in math today?

boy- you didnt miss nothing that important. just lots of notes

girl- ok good

boy- yeah

girl- hey i have a question ……

boy- ok, ask away

girl-how much do you love me?

boy- you know thst i love you more than anything

girl- yea?

boy- why did u ask?

girl- *silence*

boy- is something wrong?

girl- no nothing at all

boy- good.

girl- how much do you care about me?

boy- i would give you the world in a heartbeat if i could.

girl- you would?

boy- yeah.of course i would *sounding worried* is there something wrong??

girl- no, everything's fine……

boy- are you sure?

girl- yeah.

boy- ok…….i hope so.

girl-would you die for me?

boy- i would take a bullet for you anyday, hun

girl- really?

boy- anyday. now seriously, is there something wrong???

girl- no im fine, ur fine, we’re fine, everyone's fine.

boy- …………ok

girl- well i have to go i'll see you tomorrow at school.

boy- alright, bye. I LOVE YOU.

girl- yeah, i love you too, bye.


boy- hey, have u seen my gf today?

friend- no

boy- oh.

friend- she wasnt here yesterday either.

boy- i know, she was acting all wierd on the phone last nite.

friend- well dude you know how girls are sometimes

boy- yeah.but not her.

friend- idk what else to say, man.

boy- ok well i gotta get for english class, i'll see ya after school.

friend- yeah i gotta get to science, ttyl.



girl- hello?

boy- hey

girl- oh, hi.

boy- why dont you come to school today?

girl- uh…….i had another doctor appointment.

boy- are you sick?

girl- um i have to go, my mom’s calling on my other line.

boy- ill wait.

girl- it may take a while, ill call you later.

boy-alright,i love you hun.

very long pause*

girl- *with tear in her eye* look, i think we should break up.

boy- what???

girl- its the best thing for us right now.

boy- why???

girl- i love u.


boy- hey dude

friend- hey

boy- whats up

friend- nothing, hey have you talked to ur ex lately?

boy- no

friend- so u didnt hear?

boy- hear what?

friend- um idk if i should be the one to tell u……

boy- dude, wtf tell me

friend- uh….call this number.​ 433-​555-​3468

boy- ok…………



voice- hello, suppam county hospital, this is nurse beckam.

boy- uh…….i must have the wrong number, im looking for my friend.

voice- what is her name, sir?
(boy gives info)

voice- yes, this is the right number, she is one of our patients here.

boy- really? what happened??? how is she???

voice- her room number is ..646, in building A, suite 3.

boy- WHAT HAPPENED??!!!!

voice- please come by sir and you can see her, bye.

boy- WAIT! NO!
*dial tone*


boy- omg are u ok??

girl- .

boy- sweetie!! talk to me!!

girl- i……….

boy- you what?? YOU WHAT???

girl- i have cancer and im on life support

boy- *breaks into tears*

girl- they’re taking me off tonight

boy- why didn't you tell me???

girl- i wanted to tell u but i couldnt

boy- why didnt u tell me????

girl- i didnt want to hurt you.

boy- you could never hurt me

girl- i just wanted to know if you felt about me as the same i felt about you.

boy- ?

girl- i love u more than anything, i would give you the world in a heartbeat. i would die for you and take a bullet for you.

boy- ………..

girl- dont be sad, i love u n ill always be here w/u

boy- then why did you break up with me?

nurse- young man, visiting hours are over.


but what the boy didn’t know is that the girl only asked him those questions so she could hear him say it one last time, and she only broke up with him because she knew she only had 3 more weeks to live, and thought it would cause him less pain and give him time to get over her before she died.


the boy is found dead with a gun in his hand. with a note in the other hand
THE NOTE SAID: i told her i would take a bullet for her. just like she said she would die for me.

Rabu, 28 April 2010

do you believe in tarot? i do.

Card 1 (Judgement) : How you feel about yourself now »

You feel this is an end to an era or at least a certain phase of your life - you are taking stock and looking where you want to go from here. This ending is not one for regret but for rejoicing. Soon you will enjoy the rewards for your past efforts. As with any period of endings, many opportunities will present themselves and the choice that you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically. Any legal issues should be ruled in your favour.

Card 2 (Justice) : What you most want at this moment »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is for a fair and right outcome whether it concerns relationships or business affairs. You feel that you are in the right and that any decision or agreement to be made should be in your favour.

Card 3 (Temperance) : Your fears »

You are afraid that this period of harmony in your relationship or life in general is not going to last. Perhaps you are afraid a rival is going to cause conflict or already is and threatens to upset the peace and tranquillity you are enjoying. Any quarrels will be short lived so just try and enjoy the moment for what it is. If life is not joyful and tranquil at the moment you may fear that it never will be, take heart and be patient and life will soon have a sense of normality again.

The Tower
Card 4 (The Tower) : What is going for you »

Sometimes sudden disruptive change is inevitable, and as painful as it may seem, we come through it a stronger and better person. No matter how disruptive things are at the moment, or if you feel life is really against you, re-evaluate and move on - often a new direction can bring new opportunities you never dreamed of. If you have been planning to move home you will be experiencing setbacks.

The Sun
Card 5 (The Sun) : What is going against you »

You may experience a few delays on your quest for success and achievement but don't worry, you'll get there in a blaze of glory. Success may go to your head a little so a little modesty wouldn't go amiss. Other than a few minor delays, look forward to a period of joy and happiness. If you are experiencing problems with conceiving a baby, The Sun often heralds good news around children and a much wanted pregnancy or birth of a longed-for baby.

The Hierophant
Card 6 (The Hierophant) : Outcome »

Help is at hand. If you want wise counsel and moral guidance put your trust in someone you have a lot of respect for. Don't allow others to influence you too much with what they want you to conform to, be true to yourself. When considering your options go with tried and tested traditional values, rather than the unconventional novel approach. For example marriage is more likely to be your desire than a living together situation.

now playing : orianthi - according to you

Selasa, 27 April 2010


it was just another day: a day lost in mysteries,
unanswered questions, some fear and mist.
it was just another day but those words burnt
me to ashes, i felt life twisting my bruised mind

i felt the heat searing my hands and shy eyes.
there was no shelter and there was no shield.
shadows opened the dark, swallowed songs.
what was half hidden was suddenly revealed.

i was split up between the present and the past.
old deep memories of what can't be ever found
engulfed me again, drowning me in a time of bliss.
and what remained me of you, i buried in your ground.

now playing : sophie ellis bexter - bittersweet

love cancerous

love cripples the heart.
emotions fall apart,
as your voice calms me.
this truth you'll never see.

i shake inside in terror,
as my path to you becomes narrow.
love is meaningless apart;
i'll die seeing you depart.

you know none of this though,
for the feelings i've never showed,
nor will i ever tell you
because i've never seen anything true.

so love dies today.
i fade into the shade.
you go back to your home,
leaving me with these thoughts to roam.

Sabtu, 24 April 2010

i dont want to kiss anyone. but you, i fucking love you

" give me all my love and when i shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars. he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with the night and pay no worship to the garish sun "

listening to : cut - plumb

Jumat, 23 April 2010

got me walking to the moon


- t-shirts and dress
- midnight drive
- midnight calls
- vampires
- movies
- shoes
- internet
- free stuff, free samples, free free free
- sunset
- concert
- metal ( esp gothic metal )
- family and friends
- dark things
- going to places
- comeback home reeeaaaalllly late
- rain
- tears
- being missed
- dogs
- good lyrics
- wake up late


- smoke
- snail
- cowok jual mahal dan suka pamer (sombong)
- jazz and blues
- diburu buru
- di atur atur
- school
- ingkar janji
- early wake up
- day time
- kecoa terbang minta diperhatiin
- lupa bawa sesuatu dan sadar pas jalan udah lumayan jauh
- gak punya duit
- gak punya pulsa
- menunggu
- sendiri (kadang2)
- clubbing
- sunlight and other brightness
- people who doesn't take me seriously
- ada yang mau cerita trus bilang "gak jadi"
- banyak nyamuk dikamar
- romantic peeps
- summer
- orang sok alim tapi dalemnya bejat
- orang genit & sok eksis

listening to : suicide silence - no pity for a coward

a whole lot of nothing

go away bad thoughts. you stress me out. you make me restless. you make me worry about my future. you make me wonder what is going to happen within the next few years. i don’t want us to go through another pessimist way like i did a while ago. it would be awful. i prefer my life that happen few years ago. things need to go back to normal. so please, thoughts, pack up your stuff and leave. you can perhaps go on Mars. i heard there’s life up there, but i don’t believe it for much, so i doubt you will be bothering anyone. heard me? good good.

my pessimist thing is seriously stressing me out more and more everyday. what can i do? i want them to get the hell out from me. oh yea, i haven't tell you what is going on today. something really broke my heart. twice. you don't have to know why and yet i still don't know what to do. i'm trying not too fucked up about it. perhaps i must try become more religious and pray every night. wish me luck :P

and i just find a song that sound pretty cool. i like the lyrics. the lyrics is so well-written. so this song is called ' by your side ' performed by tenth avenue north. check this out!

why are you striving these days
why are you trying to earn grace
why are you crying
let me lift up your face
just don't turn away

why are you looking for love
why are you still searching as if I'm not good enough
to where will you go child
tell me where will you run
to where will you run

and i'll be by your side
wherever you fall
in the dead of night
whenever you call
and please don't fight
these hands that are holding you
my hands are holding you

look at these hands and my side
they swallowed the grave on that night
when I drank the world's sin
so i could carry you in
and give you life
i want to give you life

cause i, i love you
i want you to know
that i, i love you
i'll never let you go

you know i could played this song for a hundred times (oke ini agak lebay) but seriously i really love this song and i think i'm gonna dying if someday there's a guy came up to me and sing me this song. awwwwh so schveeeet <3 anyway gua capek pake inggris melulu daritadi. sekarang udah malem dan gua udah ngantuk sih daritadi tapi hastrat buat bikin blog udah menggebu gebu daritadi jadi yaudah yak gua mau bercinta dulu sama guling dan bantal gua lol. lights off!

listening to : nightwish - beauty of the beast

there are no words for this

never say i love you
if you don't really care

never talk of feelings
if they aren't really there

never hold my hand
if you mean to break my heart

never say forever
if you ever plan to leave

never look into my eyes
if you telling me a lie

never say hello
if you mean to say goodbye

never say i'm the one
if you dream another

never lock up my heart
if you don't really have the key

i had closed the door upon my heart
and wouldn't let anyone in
i had trusted and loved
but its only hurt me
and that would never be happen again

i had locked the door upon my heart
and tossed the key
i wouldn't let anyone in
as hard and as far as i could
love would never enter my life again
my heart was closed for good ....

in the brightness of sun
show me that you are the one
give me wings so i can fly
enter my heart
break down the wall
i've been prisoner, can't you see?
break my chains
and set me free
release my soul held deep within
i'm ready now
let the love begin ......

listening to : owl city - if my heart was a house

Senin, 12 April 2010

why sun and moon appear in different time?

and this how it begins .......

a long time ago in a great big sky there was a big mushy cloud. inside the big mushy cloud there lived a lovely couple Mr.sun and Lady moon. they were such a great couple. they never fought with each other. they lived happily, always full of smile and laughter together.

but one day Mr.sun and Lady moon had a great fight.

" what are you doing here, moon?! " asked Mr.sun

" i was looking for you my dear... why are you walking alone? " said Lady moon

" yeah i don't want to see you anymore!! " he shouted

" but why?? " asked Lady moon

" you think i don't know?? i saw you kissing with mars!! " answered Mr.sun

" you saw what? uh oh no we were not kissing! " answered Lady moon

" so you think i'm blind?! " he said

" no my love no. it wasn't like what you think, it was just a friend kiss not a french kiss " said Lady moon

" oh moon! you're such a smartass liar, you don't even know what french kiss is and you don't even have an ass! just go away and leave me alone " said Mr.sun

" but it was an accident, really! i have no feeling at all for Mars, he's Venus boyfriend " said Lady moon

" so? LIAR!! just leave me alone. GO AWAY! " asked Mr.sun

" please calm down sun, please reduce the fire in you. you are burning with jealousy. you could hurt our friend, the earth. your heat will reduce earth's shield " begged Lady moon

" who cares??! why should i bother about others while my feelings is really hurt! you broke my heart moon, you broke it " said Mr.sun

" i'm sorry, i'm so so sorry. i didn't mean to hurt your feeling sun " said Lady moon

" you said you love me, but why did you do that?! " said Mr.sun

" i don't know the situation, i was at loss and i'm so sorry for that sun please forgive me " said Lady Moon

" you think by saying sorry would fix all the damage you've done?? it's not that simple lady moonron. you've lied and i can't believe you anymore " said Mr.sun

" but but i was going to tell you i just need to find the right time even if i tell you, you'll be very mad " said Lady moon

" OF COURSE I WILL BE MAR ARRGH you fickle bitch! you should just kiss another boy like uranus or pluto if you want! no one gonna stop you " said Mr.sun at the top of his anger.

Lady moon can't stand it so she ran away, far far away from Mr.sun

that's why we can only see Mr.sun in the day time and Lady Moon in the night with her twinkling tears " the stars ". Sometimes Lady moon is still there when the morning comes. She wants to see Mr.sun, even just behind the clouds.

so how about the eclipse?

actually, Lady moon and Mr.sun are actually still love each other so much. sometimes it really hurts realizing how they miss each other.

so when they could not bear the feeling of wanting to meet, they would come across each other briefly and would cause darkness to the earth.

it's called total eclipse of the heart!

listening to : nelly furtado - all good things

Minggu, 11 April 2010

you're wearing damage. your mind is restless


- what are you exited about ?

- what are you not exiting about ?

- what is your favorite breed of dog ?
samoyed and pekingese

- do you wear a belt with every pair of jeans ?

- who was the last person you talked last night before bed ?
my cousin

- do you have both loud side or quite side ?
quite side

- are you a stressed out person ?

- who is the last person you high-fived ?
my bro

- do you have many wounds or bruises ?
yes a lot

- from what ?
bad luck

- why did your last cry ?
family drama

- was yesterday better than today?
no yesterday is the worst

- where did you go in a car last ?

- are your parents age in over 40 ?

- does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
no one ever put their arm on me

- do you miss you
Tebalr past ?
no the past is killed

- were you single in your last birthday ?
i always single in my birthday

- does anyone call you babe or baby ?
no i don't like it

- has anyone ever took your own clothes off you before ?

- what would you do if you found out the person you love was in a relationsip ?
try not too fucked with it

- do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like
yeah probably

- what do you get complimented on the most ?
my look

- do you have a reason to smile now ?
no i feel like shit now

- how are your feeling ?

- what is your favorite things to shop for ?
CD's and clothes

- would you rather own a snake or rabbit ?
none of them. there are all annoying

- is there someone you wanna kiss right now ?

- did you see a boy that made you smile today ?

- what is today's date ?

- are you ready to get out of this town ?

- how important is trust ?
pretty much very important

- something you do a lot ?

- when was the last time you had butterflies ?
a week ago

- has anyone said they love you in the last week ?

- have you ever like someone who treat you like a crap ?

- are they any previous relationship you wish could have lasted longer?

- have you ever thrown your phone in anger ?

- are you someone who is an ass because you're so honest ?

- when was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face ?
uhm friday

- is there someone you want out of your life for good ?
mhm a lotttttt

- do you think you can love someone without trusting them?

listening to : dr.acula - shocker on shock street

Sabtu, 10 April 2010

oh my heart, i want you to be strong

HEY ALL! welcoming my first blog here :} actually i don't like writing blog but finally after see many people have their own blog, i got tempted lol so i decided to have one and it seems to be fun.

hari ini udah hari minggu yang cerah hahaha dan gua benci itu. kenapa? karena minggu besoknya senin. pelajaran pertama dikelas itu math. ya math. tega banget kan yang bikinin jadwal masa iya hari senin dan jam pertama udah dicekokin pelajaran kayak gitu? setidaknya bisa pelajaran yang mending lah ya kayak civic atau bahasa. loh jadi marah marah hahhaa sorry ya kalo sama math gua kebawa emosi. oh iya alasan kedua kenapa gua benci hari ini itu selain karna besok senin juga karna panas. terus mataharinya terang pula. gua sangat benci dengan matahari dan segala macam cahaya. gau juga gatau kenapa tapi hati gua lebih sendu (tai amat sendu) kalo cuaca lagi mendung lah atau malem malem (oke ga penting)

hari minggu berati waktunya jalan jalan hehehe :P hari ini enaknya kemana ya? udah lama banget masalahnya gua kagak jalan. pengennya sih ngajak kakak gua ke gi atau sency tapi gatau deh dia mau apa gak hehe. sekarang gua mau siap siap dulu mau jemput sepupu gua yang lagi tes di ui mudah mudahan aja dia masuk. kan bisa ada traktiran wkwkwk. byeeeeeee

listening to : 30 seconds to mars - bad romance (live cover)