awesome things #2 when someone you love, loves you back

i love you so much. people say that in my age, i dont really know what love is. well, then maybe there's another explanation for the way i feel about you. how every second i am away from you seems like an eternity. how every time i try to think something else, i can only think of one thing & that's you. how every time i talk of you to others i feel like a little kid with a secret to tell. how the times i'm happy are when i am with you and i miss you the most right after i leave your side. maybe there's another explanation for this uncontrollable feeling inside me. i love you and i'm not saying forever but i tried to make it last ;)


now playing : sara bareilles - gravity

hey this song speaks to me

Katie don't cry I know
you're trying your hardest
and the hardest part is letting go
of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
but compared to your eyes
nothing shines quite as bright
and when we looked to the sky
it's not mine but i want it
so...

[chorus]
lets not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
you're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room he stares)
I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
and ask my girl to dance
she'll say yes
(because these words were never easier for me to say or her to second guess but i guess)
that i can live without you but
(without you I'll be miserable at best)

you're all that i hoped I'd find
in every single way
and everything i would give
is everything you couldn't take
cause nothing feels like home
you're a thousand miles away
and the hardest part of living
is just taking breaths to stay
cause i know I'm good for something
i just haven't found it yet
and i need it
so...

[chorus]
lets not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
you're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room he stares)
I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
and ask my girl to dance
she'll say yes
(because these words were never easier for me to say or her to second guess but i guess)
that i can live without you but
(without you I'll be miserable at best)

i'm only gonna let you kill me once

sorry if i haven’t been updating the blog over the past few days, i was visiting family on the “country side” of sumatra. well, it wasn’t really on the country side, like they live kind of by a city, but still! if you compare it to jakarta, it sure doesnt seem like it! but it was fun. i hadn’t seen my aunts and cousins in so long. some of my family live very far away from jakarta, so it hard for us to see each other. what i really liked is they live right by in a tanjung benoa beach, which is one of my favorite beach all the time. we went there on thursday, and i actually liked it. a lot of people who live there always complain about how boring, ugly and annoying of a city it is, but visiting was definitely fun. it kinda makes me missed jakarta.

visiting family is always fun thought, especially when it’s some kind of reunion. there’s a lot of good food! the first night we had some amazing sushi and the seafood things. it was so good! it does get a little bit weird when your whole family is drinking wine over dinner, cause.. family dinners usually last a while so by the end of the dinner everyone’s very tipsy, or just plain drunk. and then they start talking about such random things. it was a lot of fun though! the funniest part is when my aunts wanted a picture together, and in every picture they looked very drunk/buzzed, like they had their eyes half closed. and i kept having to re-take the picture and i was getting annoying. i kept saying “heyyy open your eyes, they’re like half closed.” and they’d say “what are you talking about?!?!” and then they’d open them so wide that they’d just end up looking like weirdos!


btw, school is started on monday. i'm not ready for it. i know there's gonna be tons of homework and assignment,im not ready to think and to have that 'brianstorming'. ugh. wish me luck

don't be so hard on yourself

i usually find that horoscopes are a waste of time, but they’re still sort of fun to read once in a while. and yesterday i decided to read mine on this one application i have on my blackberry, and here’s what it was:

" Let go of all the circumstances in your life in which you cannot control, and focus your attention to those in which you can truly make a difference. Success is not going to just fall into your lap, but stressing over elements of your life in which you have no way to control is a waste of your precious time and energy. You have a very determined mind, and have the strength to succeed. Don’t be so hard on yourself by concentrating on “failures” which are beyond your control "

and never in my life have a horoscope been more appropriate with what i was dealing with at the time. it kinda woke me up, and made me realize things. okay, millions of people in the world also are taurus, which makes it hard to relate to horoscopes and to actually believe them. but this one really just had some sort of an impact on me. i was on the way back home from visiting my grandma at the hospital. she’s been there for quite a while now, she’s too old to take care of herself, and reading the horoscope after visiting her.. and after a few things i’ve been dealing with lately… it really just opened my eyes on bigger things. we tend to focus on silly little things instead of simply focusing on the big picture, and i believe it slows us down. and i hate to feel like something is slowing me down, or keeping me from achieving more. i think by letting go of all my worries, i’ll be able to do a lot more with my time. it seems to me that some people are just so confident, it’s like their whole life was planned out for them, and just like they’ve got nothing to worry about. nothing to be stressed out about, but you know what? maybe they’re just really good actors. with time they’ve learned to forget about worries, or they simply ignore them, which leaves them more time to work on bigger project, and makes them successful people. and i decided it’s what i need to start doing.

honey, honey

last night, around 1am, i finished reading a book for the first time in forever. i have, though, once in a while the past months started reading books, but then half way done i’d stop and start a new one. i don’t know, i tend to do that. either because the book is boring the hell out of me, or because the story is so good that i don’t want it to come to an end. you have no idea how many books i stopped reading when there was only a chapter left. maybe i’m scared that the end will be disappointed and i’d rather imagine my own ending? maybe maybe. but this time i told myself i needed to finally finish one! and i did! except i did feel like the story ended way too soon, if you’ve read a book before you probably know what i’m talking about. i hate when that happens. right when you finally get into the book, and fall for the characters.. the story comes to an end. it sucks! but i guess we can blame the author. they’re the ones who take up 200 pages to make you fall into the story. some authors can clearly make you interested after just five pages, if not less. but the story was good. i liked it. and i started reading another book this morning. it’s quite addicting, you know, once you start reading books. you realize how entertaining they really are ;)

it’s still cloudy, rainy, very sucky outside. it’s been weeks! and the bad weather just won’t go away. i’d appreciate it but hello it's supposed to be summer now! but never mind. forget it, i'm in love with the rain. btw, school holiday is only about few days and nothing special in this holiday. just another boring and lame holiday.

someday, robots will cry

but inside, you're just a little baby

lately i’ve been relating my life to a few songs in a way that i never have before, and i find it strange. of course, it probably happened to you too, at least once, since it is basically the whole point of music. but, listen to me. it’s to a point where i almost feel like my life is a musical. i’m not crazy, okay kid. i just happen to find those songs that i can relate to so well, i could stop talking and simply play songs. maybe it never happened to me before for the simple reason that i never really cared about the lyrics. i usually like a song for it’s music, or the singer. everything is different now though, i’m becoming obsessed with lyrics. i want to find their meaning, i want to know what’s really behind them.

i finished tenth grade, and i’m so glad i am. this semester was terrible. i considered dropping out of school so many times over the past months, i’m just not interested anymore. i don’t have the motivation to keep going. only one more semester, and then it’s finally over. but not really?

i have 2 years to decide what am i gonna be cause i have to pick good university to got a good job. but to be honest, i don’t feel like i fit in any of those two categories. i just wanna be me, i just wanna do what i wanna do when i want to, i just wanna have my little projects and use all my time to work on them. isn’t it what we all want though? maybe, maybe not. as much as i feel like we’re all so different, i also feel like we’re all the same. in the end, we all want the same thing, whether we admit it or not. and you wanna know how i’ve been enjoying my first few days of vacation? i did nothing. nothing. nothing!

well, i have done a few things, but nothing too serious. i wake up, i shower, i eat, i read, i watch movies, i eat again, i watch tv shows, i stay up late and god knows why, and then finally i go to bed. the next day, it starts all over again. i’m not complaining, i love it. i’m starting to feel a little weird though, i haven’t gone out of my house for three days, but hey, i need a break! you can’t blame me. i have been in forever. i’ve been updating my blog. i’ve been socializing or whatever it is. i’ve read books i’ve been meaning to read for so long. i’ve watched movies i own on dvd and never even watched before. that’s quite a job for me.

i should start going out a little bit though, after all, i’ve still got more than a week of vacation. maybe i should set a plan with my friend or just being a couch potato watch all this FIFA things with a big bag of chitato.

i feel like this post doesn’t mean anything, or doesn’t make any sense, i will stop here.

listening to : kate nash - doo wah doo