Sabtu, 26 Juni 2010

but inside, you're just a little baby

lately i’ve been relating my life to a few songs in a way that i never have before, and i find it strange. of course, it probably happened to you too, at least once, since it is basically the whole point of music. but, listen to me. it’s to a point where i almost feel like my life is a musical. i’m not crazy, okay kid. i just happen to find those songs that i can relate to so well, i could stop talking and simply play songs. maybe it never happened to me before for the simple reason that i never really cared about the lyrics. i usually like a song for it’s music, or the singer. everything is different now though, i’m becoming obsessed with lyrics. i want to find their meaning, i want to know what’s really behind them.

i finished tenth grade, and i’m so glad i am. this semester was terrible. i considered dropping out of school so many times over the past months, i’m just not interested anymore. i don’t have the motivation to keep going. only one more semester, and then it’s finally over. but not really?

i have 2 years to decide what am i gonna be cause i have to pick good university to got a good job. but to be honest, i don’t feel like i fit in any of those two categories. i just wanna be me, i just wanna do what i wanna do when i want to, i just wanna have my little projects and use all my time to work on them. isn’t it what we all want though? maybe, maybe not. as much as i feel like we’re all so different, i also feel like we’re all the same. in the end, we all want the same thing, whether we admit it or not. and you wanna know how i’ve been enjoying my first few days of vacation? i did nothing. nothing. nothing!

well, i have done a few things, but nothing too serious. i wake up, i shower, i eat, i read, i watch movies, i eat again, i watch tv shows, i stay up late and god knows why, and then finally i go to bed. the next day, it starts all over again. i’m not complaining, i love it. i’m starting to feel a little weird though, i haven’t gone out of my house for three days, but hey, i need a break! you can’t blame me. i have been in forever. i’ve been updating my blog. i’ve been socializing or whatever it is. i’ve read books i’ve been meaning to read for so long. i’ve watched movies i own on dvd and never even watched before. that’s quite a job for me.

i should start going out a little bit though, after all, i’ve still got more than a week of vacation. maybe i should set a plan with my friend or just being a couch potato watch all this FIFA things with a big bag of chitato.

i feel like this post doesn’t mean anything, or doesn’t make any sense, i will stop here.

listening to : kate nash - doo wah doo

Senin, 21 Juni 2010

don’t you hate when you just can’t fall asleep? or worse! when you wake up in the middle of the night, and then can’t fall back asleep? well, last night both happened to me. first i go to bed kinda early (11pm) in order to catch up some rest before leaving my home tomorow, and it took me forever to fall asleep.

i had so many things on my mind, and you know when you go to bed early, you feel some kind of pressure to fall asleep and it makes the whole process take up so much more time. and then, at 3am, i randomly woke up. i felt overheated, and thirsty. so i go drink some water, grab my ipod, and go back to bed. and i didn’t fall back asleep until 4am.

i was just thinking about all these random things that we often think of, like love, life, future, work, etc. and i was very into it for some reason. so much that i got nervous, and paranoid. and yeah… couldn’t fall back asleep for an hour. and then! if only i could slept in a bit, but no. i woke up at 8.00am, and seriously could not fall back asleep again. so all day i’ve been feeling super tired, brainstorming, hangover and aggravated. everything and everyone seem to be getting on my nerves. happens when you’re tired i guess. not my fault. and some people are very good at being annoying too. who’s to blame? no idea!

listening to : faunts -

Minggu, 20 Juni 2010

you're just not that into me

dont mind the ugly picture, cause i cant think of putting another picture and i thought this one isn't so bad
life would not be the same without being loved. you have no idea what you’re missing if you’ve never had it.

my holiday was okay, my life will most likely be the same, even though i pray hard for it to be great.
actually i kind of wish i would’ve just stayed home, i would’ve avoided disappointment.
i kind of hate when people don’t turn out to be who you thought they were, or who they seemed to be during your first impression of them. i should simply finally learn that it is not good to have expectations. but i can’t help it. maybe there is just nothing to do about it.
maybe i’m just looking for something too great, maybe i’m the problem after all, maybe i just cannot be satisfied with anything or anybody.
i don’t like when things start getting old, when relationship slowly dies, when people change.
i want things to be exciting and fun, all the time. i want people to be how i like them to be all the time. i want to be contented with everything.
but this is me asking too much.
although i feel like it’s not that much.

i’ve got nothing planned for the day. i’m kinda glad about that. i missed not doing anything.
i’m quite confussing myself, aren’t i?
i want attention and people around me, but then wanna be alone.
oh, god.

listening to : band of horses - on my way back home

Jumat, 18 Juni 2010

Selasa, 15 Juni 2010

i couldn't care less

don't understand what's written on here? then let me clean this out for you :p

  1. occasional greediness helps sometimes.
  2. how can you play fairly when life is too unfair.
  3. physically. mentally. emotionally.
  4. and without any damage.
  5. especially your problems that you can’t solve.
  6. ASK PERMISSION FIRST. well, not everything can be asked.
  7. sometimes, sorry is not enough.

unfortunately, no matter how old you are this will always be taught.

Rabu, 09 Juni 2010

when we meet up in my dreams, waking up isn't quite fair

i couldn't have been more wrong. i thought that i could smile and nod my way through it and pretend that all things gonna be okay. but honestly, i can't. i had a plan. i wanted to change who i was. create life with someone new, someone without the past. without the pain. but, it's not that easy. the bad things stay with you. they follow you and you can't escape them. all you can do is be ready for the good. so, when it comes you invite it in, because you need it. i need it

listening to : abigail williams - flood

pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

finally, the make up test is over and i really worried about the score. i'm not even sure what my score gonna be. but one thing for sure, my math score gonna be BADASS ;) just wait. ini penilaian gua selama ikut make-up test :

- english : gigit yang buat soal
- sosiologi : sembah yang bikin soal
- biologi : kebiri yang buat soal
- agama : sembah yang bikin soal
- geografi : gigit yang buat soal
- fisika : kebiri yang buat soal
- math : bakar yang bikin soal

kalo diliat dari kesimpulan sih gua kea=banyakan gabisa pas ngerjain itu test, tapi semoga aja tang ting tung gua bener semua. harapan gua cuma satu : naik kelas dan masuk ips. karena gua udah muak dengan fisika kimia bio -__________________- doain aja deh semoga naik kelas karena gua takut aja ga naik kelas gara gara math. tapi amit amit juga sih. but now i'm gonna scream " THE EXAM IS FINALLY OVER AND HOLIDAY IS COMING OUR WAY "

Senin, 07 Juni 2010

hello, future boyfriend

earlier i was got a mental disorder. on everyone, everything, all of the past events for the last few months and stuff. it made me think. why do i want what i want? do i want what i want? should i take a step forward? or should i really be worried about if i need to be taking a step backwards?

i feel like i am just stuck in neutral. i know what i want to do and also what i should or could do. i'm not sure which i need to be doing though. which one will be more beneficial. will they be equally beneficial? or will neither path pay off? what are my motives? i would really like to answer these questions. however, i'm not sure that i can. i'm not kind of that " possitive ". this is a very interesting part of my life and i am eager to see how it will play out.

until then, i think that in order to be able to answer these questions, i will need to regroup, reorganize, and re-prioritize. i have been a little bit irresponsible lately and i would really like to put more effort into important things, like putting things in priorities. i should slow down and think about everything. i should slow down and enjoy simple things. i should probably also slow down and think about what i say, what i do, and how i spend my time. from now on, i am going to try to make a conscious effort to focus more on what is important and less on what is not and maybe trying to be more serious.

if you read all of that, then you got a big smooch from me.

dot dot dot dot dots

hi, my name is melissa and i don’t take showers
just kidding
but not really

i was going to say something
but i forgot what to say
i am giddy
quite giddy
yes, as giddy as a

...giddy thing.

i bet you dont even know what giddy means? ha! i like it when i'm smarter than someone. or at least that's what i feel.. in someway.. whatever. pfft

the fact is, tomorrow i'm gonna have 3 tests
and i haven't opened my book

i wonder, how shitty the score gonna be?

listening to : ke$ha - blah blah blah

i'm claiming this the top of the world

...and to answer the previous question:
"can you still fall asleep when you fall apart?"

the answer is "yes. i just had a good sleep. not the best though, but enough to keep me going"



Kamis, 03 Juni 2010

life tips

* just copy-paste this from one of my favorite blogger. read this well and maybe you can learn more about guys. happy reading!

99 facts about guys bold on the "this guy" facts

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys love flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!!!!!!

14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

28. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting.

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.

51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be matured and grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

59. Guys don't really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they'll realize they're wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys' weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships

Selasa, 01 Juni 2010

can you still fall asleep when you fall apart?

-boys with skinny body
-boys with normal fingernails
-boys who listen to indie and metal
-boys who have quite a " style "
-boys whose into movies
-my room all tidy
-being in so many places, in a very short of time
-my stomach hurts like hell
-want seaweed right now

yeah. you learn a lot from them.

lately i've been thinking
i think
God works in reeallyyyy mysterious ways
i dont like it



so long
or whatever

i will continue writting more later, time to go. i want to have some sleep after this rough day. i have a feeling that maybe tomorrow gonna be a decent day. well. maybe


listening to : sirenia - meridian