feel.love.thinking.of

don’t you hate when you just can’t fall asleep? or worse! when you wake up in the middle of the night, and then can’t fall back asleep? well, last night both happened to me. first i go to bed kinda early (11pm) in order to catch up some rest before leaving my home tomorow, and it took me forever to fall asleep.

i had so many things on my mind, and you know when you go to bed early, you feel some kind of pressure to fall asleep and it makes the whole process take up so much more time. and then, at 3am, i randomly woke up. i felt overheated, and thirsty. so i go drink some water, grab my ipod, and go back to bed. and i didn’t fall back asleep until 4am.

i was just thinking about all these random things that we often think of, like love, life, future, work, etc. and i was very into it for some reason. so much that i got nervous, and paranoid. and yeah… couldn’t fall back asleep for an hour. and then! if only i could slept in a bit, but no. i woke up at 8.00am, and seriously could not fall back asleep again. so all day i’ve been feeling super tired, brainstorming, hangover and aggravated. everything and everyone seem to be getting on my nerves. happens when you’re tired i guess. not my fault. and some people are very good at being annoying too. who’s to blame? no idea!


listening to : faunts - feel.love.thinking.of

you're just not that into me

dont mind the ugly picture, cause i cant think of putting another picture and i thought this one isn't so bad
life would not be the same without being loved. you have no idea what you’re missing if you’ve never had it.

my holiday was okay, my life will most likely be the same, even though i pray hard for it to be great.
actually i kind of wish i would’ve just stayed home, i would’ve avoided disappointment.
i kind of hate when people don’t turn out to be who you thought they were, or who they seemed to be during your first impression of them. i should simply finally learn that it is not good to have expectations. but i can’t help it. maybe there is just nothing to do about it.
maybe i’m just looking for something too great, maybe i’m the problem after all, maybe i just cannot be satisfied with anything or anybody.
i don’t like when things start getting old, when relationship slowly dies, when people change.
i want things to be exciting and fun, all the time. i want people to be how i like them to be all the time. i want to be contented with everything.
but this is me asking too much.
although i feel like it’s not that much.

i’ve got nothing planned for the day. i’m kinda glad about that. i missed not doing anything.
i’m quite confussing myself, aren’t i?
i want attention and people around me, but then wanna be alone.
oh, god.

listening to : band of horses - on my way back home

TWILIGHT MOVIE MISTAKES

LOL :)))))))))))))

i couldn't care less

don't understand what's written on here? then let me clean this out for you :p

1. occasional greediness helps sometimes.
2. how can you play fairly when life is too unfair.
3. physically. mentally. emotionally.
4. and without any damage.
5. especially your problems that you can’t solve.
6. ASK PERMISSION FIRST. well, not everything can be asked.
7. sometimes, sorry is not enough.

unfortunately, no matter how old you are this will always be taught.

when we meet up in my dreams, waking up isn't quite fair

i couldn't have been more wrong. i thought that i could smile and nod my way through it and pretend that all things gonna be okay. but honestly, i can't. i had a plan. i wanted to change who i was. create life with someone new, someone without the past. without the pain. but, it's not that easy. the bad things stay with you. they follow you and you can't escape them. all you can do is be ready for the good. so, when it comes you invite it in, because you need it. i need it

listening to : abigail williams - flood

pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

finally, the make up test is over and i really worried about the score. i'm not even sure what my score gonna be. but one thing for sure, my math score gonna be BADASS ;) just wait. ini penilaian gua selama ikut make-up test :

- english : gigit yang buat soal
- sosiologi : sembah yang bikin soal
- biologi : kebiri yang buat soal
- agama : sembah yang bikin soal
- geografi : gigit yang buat soal
- fisika : kebiri yang buat soal
- math : bakar yang bikin soal

kalo diliat dari kesimpulan sih gua kea=banyakan gabisa pas ngerjain itu test, tapi semoga aja tang ting tung gua bener semua. harapan gua cuma satu : naik kelas dan masuk ips. karena gua udah muak dengan fisika kimia bio -__________________- doain aja deh semoga naik kelas karena gua takut aja ga naik kelas gara gara math. tapi amit amit juga sih. but now i'm gonna scream " THE EXAM IS FINALLY OVER AND HOLIDAY IS COMING OUR WAY "

hello, future boyfriend

earlier i was got a mental disorder. on everyone, everything, all of the past events for the last few months and stuff. it made me think. why do i want what i want? do i want what i want? should i take a step forward? or should i really be worried about if i need to be taking a step backwards?

i feel like i am just stuck in neutral. i know what i want to do and also what i should or could do. i'm not sure which i need to be doing though. which one will be more beneficial. will they be equally beneficial? or will neither path pay off? what are my motives? i would really like to answer these questions. however, i'm not sure that i can. i'm not kind of that " possitive ". this is a very interesting part of my life and i am eager to see how it will play out.

until then, i think that in order to be able to answer these questions, i will need to regroup, reorganize, and re-prioritize. i have been a little bit irresponsible lately and i would really like to put more effort into important things, like putting things in priorities. i should slow down and think about everything. i should slow down and enjoy simple things. i should probably also slow down and think about what i say, what i do, and how i spend my time. from now on, i am going to try to make a conscious effort to focus more on what is important and less on what is not and maybe trying to be more serious.

if you read all of that, then you got a big smooch from me.